bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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