I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
