why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
