Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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