im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize