I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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