Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
