you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You have to summon your inner elephant
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
