Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
