did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
