i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
