omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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