There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
