there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
