It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
