That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
