I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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