Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
