Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
