Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
