Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
