I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
