He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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