Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize