Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
