Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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