just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
