How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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