How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
