why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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