ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
