my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
