This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize