There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My dick has a subreddit
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize