You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
