we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
