I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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