Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
