Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
