Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
