Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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