Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
