This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
