i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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