Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize