Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Vodka?
Forever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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