How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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