I just saw a hot homeless man
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
