just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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