Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize