The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
