yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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