hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
