conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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