Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
