Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I could fuck to npr.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
