Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
