Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
