So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
