Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
