the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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