I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
sarcasm needs its own font
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
