sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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