i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
