Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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