Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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