I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
