i would punch a child for taco bell
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
