party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
