If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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