Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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