I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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