My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize