Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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