You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
