I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
jump out the window naked night went bad
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