You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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