hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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