Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
