I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
