those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
