My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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