im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
