I hate all girls vehemently.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
