Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
