I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
