I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize