I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
