how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize