If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
