You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
