i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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