I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
