I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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