You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
