I cockslap morals
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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