My liver just broke up with me...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
