But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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