There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
