they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
