a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
