Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
