I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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