Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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