She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
