good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
